Don’t Make It Weird
Posted on Monday, April 29, 2019 by
Does connecting with teenagers in your life feel like learning a foreign language? One youth worker shares 5 great tips to get you started!
My wife and I were having dinner with another couple that attends the same church as us. As the evening progressed we talked, laughed, shared stories and basic information about ourselves.
Of course, as adults, we talked about work and what exactly our jobs entailed. After sharing about being a part of YFC and all that that means, the husband asked me for some advice. He said, “Alright, give me, a normal guy, tips on how to relate to teenagers.”
Now, I would love to say that I gave him the best tips and now he’s relating to teenagers like never before. That actually didn’t happen and as I sit and think about what I said, I’m honestly a little embarrassed at how I responded. Because of my embarrassment and need to redeem myself, I’ve decided to write my top 5 tips on how to relate to teenagers.
These are just my tips from my years of doing youth ministry. I’m pretty sure there are a lot of tips that other youth workers can add, but for now my top 5 will have to suffice.
5. Don’t be weird. There are different types of weird and some are more okay than others. There’s the good weird like an adult actually taking an interest in a teenager and trying to invest in them in a positive way. In our society, we don’t have enough of this type of weird. When I say don’t be weird I mean the bad type of weird. We all pretty much have an idea of the bad weird. Don’t be that person. Adults don’t warm up to the guy that makes things uncomfortable and neither do teenagers.
4. If you want to relate to teenagers, sometimes you have to immerse yourself in teenager life. I’m not saying start acting like a teen but I am saying familiarizing yourself with the teen culture that you can at least have some understanding of what life is like for them.
Another way of immersing yourself in teen culture is to go where teens are and interact with them there. Hotspots for teens are schools, the mall, or parks during the summer time. It's crazy how much you can learn about someone when you insert yourself into their world.
3. Don’t be weird. Yes, I know that this is a repeat tip but I have to emphasize this one. I have seen countless adults become weird adults when they try to relate to teens. It makes me cringe when I see adults try to talk to teens but don’t actually say words. I’ve experienced an adult who consistently volunteered for weeks, but he never held a conversation with a kid. He would just stand in the vicinity of kids but not actually talk to them. That’s weird, don’t do that. If you want to relate to kids you have to talk to them and treat them like actual human beings.
Or I’ve seen the weird person who just tries way too hard. I had a female volunteer that would hear phrases that kids would say and take out a notebook to write them down. Then during conversations with kids, she would pull out her notebook and recite the phrase to them. She was trying way too hard to be like them. That’s weird and nobody likes that or has time for that. Don’t be weird.
2. Be yourself. No one likes a fake person and that includes teenagers. Teenagers can actually sniff out when someone is being fake or trying to be something that they aren’t. So if you’re a person that really likes sports, or likes to read, or likes anime; be that person and don’t try to fit into a mold that isn’t you. I guarantee if you’re into sports or reading or anime, there’s a group of teenagers into that exact same thing.
1. Learn to ask good questions and listen well. If you want to know what a person likes or thinks about, ask them a question. Teenagers are humans just like adults so ask them questions. Too many times have I seen adults come in to relate to teens but never take the time to ask them questions and listen. Nobody likes being lectured or talked at. It’s actually scientifically proven that you learn more about a person when you actually listen to them. So if you want to know how to relate to someone, ask them questions and they will give you insight on how to relate to them.
In the end, if you want to relate to teens then just do it. Yes, they may seem intimidating and like they’re into things that you have no idea about, but at the end of the day, they are kids who are created in the image of God who are going through some tough circumstances that no one should have to experience. They need adults who not only want to relate to them but who also want to love them and tell them about the hope of Jesus. Be that one adult in their life that meets them where they are at.
Josh Chambers has been a YFC leader since 2012 when he began as a volunteer. He is currently serving as the Metro Tacoma Area Coordinator.